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A (Cheeky) Guide to a No-Fuss Halloween

Most of us realize and begrudgingly accept that Halloween mostly belongs to the kids. But why should they have all the fun? After all, many elderly individuals love treats, especially the hard candy that we’re famous for keeping in little glass bowls. So, seniors, this year ElderGadget thinks that you should take back this holiday and make it your own.

That’s why we’ve created this guide to an elder-friendly Halloween. Enjoy!

Choosing the Treats

It can be such a hassle, not to mention expense, to buy candy in bulk for Halloween. Why not make it easy on yourself this year and pass out that always popular hard candy you’ve got stashed around the house? That is, of course, if you can part with it. Once this runs out you can move onto other practical treats, such as bananas, sugar-free pudding cups and Ensure. Parents will not only appreciate the reprieve from candy, but can confidently give these items to their kids because they come with “wrappers.” Feel free to also throw in the business card of the dentist who fitted you for dentures if you see a trick-or-treater in particular need of some teeth straightening.

Dressing Up

If you love dressing up for Halloween now’s your time to shine. If you don’t, simply answer the door as yourself. If a child asks what your costume is there are a number of witty responses that will suffice. Say that you’re dressed as Benjamin Button: The Early Years. If you have a black, wide-brimmed hat you can say you’re the reverend from Poltergeist. The classic response of “This is my costume. I’m actually 25 years old and much better at this disguise thing than you,” works as well.

Positioning Yourself

Let’s be honest. We all know that doorbells can be difficult to hear – and the ones you can hear have you running to the door all night long. Side step this fiasco altogether by handing out your treats on the front porch. Standing for long periods of time is never fun for seniors, so place a chair, preferably a rocking chair, to the side of your front door where you can wait in comfort. Be sure to bring a blanket too, as it will no doubt be cold out there. Wrap the blanket over your head and shoulders to prevent your ears, chest and throat from being exposed to the elements.

Getting Kids’ Attention

Many children are so focused on getting to that doorbell that they get tunnel vision. This may cause them to overlook you sitting there all warm and comfy, especially if they can’t see your face through your hooded blanket. Some skeptical kids may even think you’re a Halloween prop. While you could say something like “Over here” to announce your presence, you risk straining your vocal chords or dislodging some of the phlegm that’s no doubt built up in your throat since you’ve been sitting outside. If the foreboding creaks from your rocking chair aren’t enough to get their attention give a quick tap to your air horn. This horn should remain concealed in your blanket to prevent fingers from getting cold.

Making Them Work for It

Anyone can hand out candy. But it takes a special person to show a genuine interest in the treat-receiver. Be sure to engage the kids in some conversation. Paint an elaborate picture of what Halloween was like when you were a child and offer any useful commentary on their costumes or, for that matter, on their generation as a whole. Take any resistance to your statements as a sign that they’re just a little hesitant to accept the truth. And the truth hurts sometimes.

Laughing at ourselves is a festive activity that can be practiced all year round. So give yourselves a hand, seniors, you’ve been great sports. Now go dust off your air horns, it’s only one more day ‘til Halloween!

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